12.11.07

Distant Lights

"Dear Angeline

We have carefully assessed your application and are pleased to offer you a place on the 2008 MSc Accounting and Finance programme. We receive over 800 applications for this programme for around 40-60 places so congratulations on your success- we are delighted to welcome you to Manchester Business School."


Guess i finally see the distant lights shining... after such a long, long time.

28.9.07

Dream

Now i finally understand how important dreams are.

The job was too boring recently so i kept weaving dreams. I've got plenty of time weaving a life for the next 3-5 years.

"just clench your jaw till you frown,
just dont let go or you may drown"

26.9.07

The inevictable evil in the life

I hate my job.

Loss of freedom is not what i mourn, since i earn the freedom in terms of wealth. The loss of being a complete person is what i grief.

The abyss of hatred hidden under the sweet mask, and the feeling of superiority embedded in silence. Those composed my daily life, and i cannot stop despising myself for being such a hypocrite.

To hypnotize oneself is always easy, to wake up is not.

3.9.07

Truth

The truth is, the truth is always cruel.

I hate all the excuses. We have already thousands of shit in front of us, and what i need least are the excuses and the bad attitude.

Growing up means -- at least for me -- being responsible for oneself AND his loved ones.

25.7.07

2500 euro a child in spain!

Zapatero: "Cada familia recibirá 2.500 euros por cada hijo que nazca a partir de hoy"
http://www.20minutos.es/noticia/254922/0/debate/estado/nacion/

Every family will receive 2500 euro for every newborn child from 3rd July!

Good job Zapatero! Now i'm seriously considering giving birth to some kids in spain and earn my graduate school tuition...
Maybe 10 children would be enough?

So Nervous

David is coming to Taiwan!

so another 6 months have passed. So unreal, but somehow so true. Can't believe we've made it again. 6 months and 6 months, hope and disillusion. The emotion changes 3 times a day.

But finally we've proved ourselves unbeatable for another season.

Can't believe the flat image in the screen will soon become concrete again, and the words will jump beyond the screen and transfer into voices. The air warmed, and the eyes lit.

I'd rather trust it's not only pure luck, but our persistance and pride carries us on and on. There will be no distance in the heart, neither here nor there.

13.7.07

Here comes the summer!



Summer = The beach, that's the ultimate rule.

I love the sea. We're so much connected with the sea. :-)

26.6.07

Finished?

I've finished my degree?

Such a strange feeling... it's not only another exam finished, another semester finished, but... school life finished! Finally i lose every privilege as a student, especially all kinds of discount. I lose also the privilege to enjoy an empty cinema, empty restaurant, and empty shopping center... yeah it has all finished.

Dont feel so sad though. Actually I cant wait to go to work. Work means money, mmmmmoney. One day when i earned enough money, i will appear again in europe, Taking 1 beer and lying in the lovely spanish sunshine, you know, as old time. I need money desperately. Money is not everything, yet everything needs money.

Anyway, there's a summer in front of me. I'm gonna leave behind all my anxiety and walk through the streets with 37 degrees. After all, it's my last summer walking around in shorts and slippers, y no hay nada como la noche de verano.

27.5.07

Friends



Sometimes I feel the time can stop forever when we are together, drinking some beer and talking nonsense. How i love these boys! In some years, they might become professors, accountants, or CFO of the leading companies....But in my mind, they're always the crazy boys and loyal friends!

17.5.07

Distant Lights

I'm getting more and more sentimental, uhhhhh i hate it.

Saw a swiss film the other day, "Vitus." Quite a nice one, and i finally understand why ppl said Swiss doesnt speak german. They actually speak SWISS GERMAN (yeah imdb.com said so too, so funny to see it) It's like german pronounced in italian with french vocabularies. Yeah, maybe it's a excuse for not understanding the german dialogue.

I like german films. Guess that's one of the reason i learn german, or opposite. Just as the german personality, german films hardly show the humor as spanish or italian films, nor are they as romantic as the french ones. But German has the imcaparable talents dealing with social phenomena, inner struggle, and reality. Once again, it might be the problem of taiwanese film companies, who only import these kinds of german film. As I recalled, even the most heart-warming ones consist of some imperfect pieces of life. Well, das Leben ist einfach so. C'est la vie. Anyway they are absolutely very nice.

Distant Lights (Lichter) 2003 --

a film from Hans-Christian Schmid. This movie was shown in the Taiwan film festival 2004, and never in regular cinema. I wonder if it was ever shown outside every film festival worldwide. So difficult to find the DVD. Frankfurt an Oder. 2 hrs train ride to berlin, 30 minutes to Poland. The river Oder borders this city from Poland. On the opposite sides of rivers. Stories and stories happening. People from the east trying to cross the river to get the "promised land." However on supposed wonderland, umployement has roared through the city. All the people have, or once had, DREAMS. It can be as big as a wonderful life in Berlin, it can be as small as, a new dress for the daughter's communion. 5 stories and nearly 20 chracters weaved a harmonious if not somehow sad symphony. So touched.

16.5.07

Madriz



我現在發現我很想念馬德里,是想念到很誇張的那種地步。
也許短短的七天,還來不及學會去討厭這個城市吧。

Madrid/
Pereza

Bajando por donde los garitos,
dejándome caer por la cuesta abajo.
He estado tan solito
hasta que te he encontrado.

Tocando en tu telefonillo,
me dices que aun te queda para un rato.
Tómate tu tiempo, aún no ha anochecido,
yo te espero en Casa Paco.

Y qué gusto da estar enamorado
y pasear contigo del brazo.
Traigo rosas rojas para ti,
eres mi rincón favorito de Madrid.

Bebiendo y charlando
riendo y bailando,
bailando y bailando, va pasando el tiempo
no hay nada como las noches de verano,
no hay nada como las ganas que te tengo.

Noches de Siroco, terracita Antón Martín,
y ese bar de Tirso que te gusta tanto a ti,
por la espina dorsal de la gran vía
derrapa una sirena de la policía

Y qué gusto da estar enamorado
y pasear contigo del brazo.
Traigo rosas rojas para ti,
eres mi rincón favorito de Madrid.

Mi piel necesita tu piel,
mi boca necesita tu boca,
dame de beber.
Y desnuditos y ya en tu cama,
luz de farolas tras las persianas,
vuelvo a la vida cuando me tocas,
nace una estrella nueva en Atocha.
Estoy loco por ti,
eres mi ricón favorito de Madrid

7.5.07

Love Hurts

True love hurts. That's what i feel as several friends encountered relationship problem recently.

Why two ppl love each other so much, but they cant be together? The reality is so cruel……
Why ppl have to suffer so much for love?

Liebe fragt nicht... Liebe ist!

Para la mejor chica: Me doló tanto mi corazon despues de leer tu carta. Es triste imaginar tu sin sonrisa. Como estoy lejo solo puedo escribirte, darte "ciber abrazos" Pero espero que puedes volver a ser feliz....

27.4.07

So the time passed like this

Talking with the friend currently being Erasmus in Ireland, I suddenly found that the Erasmus student of 2006 is also coming back! How time has flied! I still remember freshly when I stepped into Linz Airport, as well as how I said goodbye to Erasmus life from Madrid airport.

Within an hour, my friend and i have got his summer trip and tickets planned. He told me “you are really expert in traveling”, exactly the same sentence he told me last time. I sighed.

The reality can bring people down, but it can never cease one’s desire to fly. Europe, holiday, traveling… this has long become some memories in the bottom of the heart. I tried not to remember it, deleted all the emails from airlines and travel websites. But even doing so I cannot tie myself on the ground, or stop desiring. I still dream, one after another, broken or complete.

At the age of 22, can I still have a right to dream?

The job hunting was not going well these few weeks. The company focused on my lack of working experience. How the heck did I have time? Well, I could do it in summer, but rather I chose to spend them in Europe. After all, the lack of internship would only bug me in the very first job in my life, but the memories of more than 10 european countries will stay in my heart forever, and not a single internship experience can surpass it, no matter how good it does to my interviews. The summer of 2005, instead of internship in Taiwan, the blue sky in Portugal and the endless sea of southern Spain occupied my life. I never regret. I can work many years after, but maybe not again lying a whole week at the beach of Los Caños de Meca. And see the blue sky above, so broad and so clear.

17.4.07

Some thoughts over Virginia Tech massacre...

If US government can save the stupidity of opening up every suitcase in the airports, and use that resource to investigate the gun abuse in its own land, how many more lives can actually be saved? How many REAL "weapon of mass destruction" can be found?

20.3.07

Hong Kong

Just came back from HK, with the heart full of satisfaction. No matter how many times I have visited, the city can always bring me some surprises. At the moment of landing, the loud Cantonese accent and fast pace of the pedestrian immediately bring back all the memories of the city.

The first H&M in asia was opened 10 days ago in Hong Kong. Never imagined that one has to stay in a long line to go inside the store…. However it was a nice experience recalling the crazy european shopping experience. Another new arriver was Zara. How weird was the feeling, seeing the exactly same clothes in 2 months, in different continents…

And there was Disney. As my friend said, once a person step into Disney land, his age would immediately becomes half or square-rooted. Compared with Tokyo, California, and Florida, the size of Hong Kong Disney land was like a miniature replica. However it has the magic of transforming everybody into child, as well as giving out money crazily in the stores. Though it’s strange to listen to Micky Mouse speaking Chinese….(actually cantonese)

Finally were the little secrets I kept about HK, the nice restaurants, the best place to shopping, and the hidden little places…

Nice.

15.3.07

One can never be satisfied la...

Immer so viel zu tun aber wenige Zeit.

Ohh i am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, one of my favorite cities in the world. The last time was like 2004. How I love the city! Eating, shopping, eating, shopping, while practicing my lousy Cantonese... yum yum yum! Have been there around 4 times during these ten years, and how things have changed along the time! From a british-asian mixed city to a totally asian feel. I can’t say that I love the change, but I always love the over-crowded street, skylines in the bay, and the feeling that nobody knows I am “foreigner”.

I guessed that’s why I love big cities, especially London, New York….In those places, the races are so diverse that you cannot tell whether one is a tourist. And one thing I hate most is to be treated like a tourist or foreigner (i.e. ignorant and stupid), although I am a tourist from top to the bottom. For this stupid reason, I have been learning as many languages as I can, thinking that by doing this people will not treat me as a stupid tourist girl (and often reckoned to be Japanese) or look at me with a strange sight when I step into a local bar/ restaurant…

I’m full of pride, somehow. ;-)

3.3.07

Mixed up and messed up

Finally back from a 3-week trip in Europe, short but enough to stir up many emotions, feelings and memories. I suddenly realized how much I miss Europe, and how much I have oppressed this feeling to the bottom of my heart. Overall my exchange life was not only about happy moments, there were actually a lot of down times and cultural difference to come across, but no one can deny that it was great. I was learning new things from every aspect. I was different while sometimes I could be the same.

Long distance relationship is another frustrating things to handle. I don't have any complaints about the relationship itself, but the distance. Nothing is worst than having to be separated again. With 7 hours of time lag, 13000 kilometers of distance, and nearly 1000 euro per return ticket. Someone has told me “the true love is regardless of distance”. I hope so and I can only believe so.

Semester has started again and I was totally messed up. The courses have become worse and more boring than ever, and I just have no mood for doing anything. Depressed.

31.1.07

I wanna go to India!

Went to the "Messe" for books today and swept all the books I want with 20% discount, not a bad deal.

Got books for 3 countries:
1. Nepal
2. India
3. Kenya

Yesssssss i want to go to these places. Other dream destination includes Morocco, Peru, Tibet... etc. Don't ask me why, maybe it's only because of a scene in the movies or a photo in the newspaper. Anyway, I want to go.

I miss my traveling days. Guess I’ve spent all the euros traveling. One thing I wished to do but never had chance last year was going all the way by train from Vienna to Athens. I cancelled the plan upon thinking that I need visa for around 5 or 6 different countries (it sucks).

Yeah but I want to discover asia eagerly. After one year of euro-trip I discovered I know actually very few things for the countries around me. Though I have been to many of them, actually I only remembered the resorts and the beach.

Brief conclusion: I want traveling!

30.1.07

Learn to be common

Getting even lazier with the vacation...

Tired of looking for a job. Come what may. I dunno why I can get so depressed providing I already have a job offer now. Maybe I demand too much. Maybe it’s because I was taught to become the top, and now finally I discover I am not. Well, I am not sorry for that anyway. Why everybody has to study MBA, work in investing bank and earning millions of USD every year? I only wish to have enough money (and time!) to go backpacking every year. This sounds so sinful to my society. Come on look at the Chinese, look at the Indians, look at the Koreans, who are so lazy like you!

I WANT TO MOVE!!!

Contrast to most of the people, I am not happy at home. Taipei is a great city to live but somehow it just doesn't suit me. Okay, there’s no perfect country or perfect city in the world. And I DO know how difficult it is to be a permanent foreigner; especially I do have a look different from many Europeans or Americans. However I hate the feeling that: in Europe I am a foreigner, but in Taiwan I still find myself foreign, because of my ways of thinking, because of my foreign boyfriend, and because of many other things.

Yes, I am too sensitive.

I really like my city and my country. I love many aspects of Taiwanese culture; it’s in my blood and I am never going to eliminate that. I am a Taiwanese and I am proud to be. But I just can’t agree with many things happening here, and I just could not become an elite that the society expects me to become, or at least the same mild as everybody else.

x x x

After one exchange year I found that many friendships hardly survive the distance. I don't know whether it’s because we are in the last year of university and people become selfish of their own stuff. The friends that I usually hanged out with start to give me all kinds of excuse to refuse your invitation, and some DOES sound ridiculous. Who has changed? Maybe all of us have.

Only true friends remain, but it’s sad that some of them plan to move to another countries and carry on their studies or life there, which means in a couple of years, there will be less and less reason for me to stay here.

27.1.07

Next destination??

Next week i have to take IELTS exam (google definition: International English Language Testing System), to be short, a fucking exam to decide if I know sufficient English to study a master degree in UK. Well I am not really nervous about that. However after a year speaking English with people from all nationalities, my pidgin English (mixed with German, Spanish…) and funny strange accent really freaks me out. No matter how much James Joyce I have read in these few months. God bless those suffering moments.

Last month I received the offer of University of Bristol, which was very good news to me. I don’t know why I am so keen to be back to Europe. To be honest, I came back to my original life really soon after coming back from Linz. I learned once again to dive in the city and to be a person like everybody else. I know the city well, and I am cozy with this familiarity.

Only I know that something in my mind has changed. I miss Europe, and I miss the freedom that no one recognizes me. I can disguised to be anyone I want to be. I don't need to care too much about what other people thinks. I was pretty lonely in Europe, but somehow I feel more here. Actually I feel more like being forgotten.

“The relationship is nice but the distance is cruel.” I don't remember where I read this sentence, sad though, but true.

In the end the relationship is the strongest driver to move people around the world? Maybe, though I don't really want to admit, as my pride doesn't allow me to.